So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
