Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
