Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
