I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
