If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
