I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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