from now on my penis is your penis
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
