Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
