I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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