if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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