I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
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