i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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