I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm at about main and main street
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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