why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
