Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize