I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
even my farts smell like vagina
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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