For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
