So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
