the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
