If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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