Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
