you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
