I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
