i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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