Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
