and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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