The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
