I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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