i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
