Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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