Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
