Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
