I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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