in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
