You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize