i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Randomize
