Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
