I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I am puke
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
