We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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