He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
