well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize