I just threw up on my dentist
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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