You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
