I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
