so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
