I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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