I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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