How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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