I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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