The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize