why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
