he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
