I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
