$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
