His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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