I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize