you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Randomize