I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
