The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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