So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
