Tell her she can't have a vagina
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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