I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
