from now on my penis is your penis
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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