You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
