he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
