Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
