I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
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