My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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