I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Randomize
