woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize