do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
