like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
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