Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
