Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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