you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
