Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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