How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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