Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
