Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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