if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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