I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
