The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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