You're my little dorito
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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