My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
