I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
