so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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