Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
