We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Life is so much better after having sex.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
