In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
