OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
