Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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