i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
