i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
