every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
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