Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
