She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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