i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
