It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
