Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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