Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize