He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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