Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
