My Higher Power is John Stamos
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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