Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
