In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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