Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
