I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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