my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
