you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
