I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
