Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
