kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
