so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
