all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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